The following story is based on real facts but pseudonyms are used to protect the identity of those involved.
Lexi is a very popular young girl. She is talented in most anything that she is involved in. She is a kind hearted, easy going young lady. She was raised in a home where family values of honesty, respect, and communication were upheld and where first person communication was regarded as the best way to communicate with another person or group. Lexi has one older brother and one younger sister. Over the past summer of 2023, Lexi was allowed to have a phone which could be used to communicate with her friends, since Lexi was getting older and more independent. Many of the boys in Lexi’s grade, and also older grades, would message Lexi back and forth on SnapChat. Suddenly, there came a change in the conversation. Many of the boys who had been messaging Lexi suddenly stopped sending messages. Some of the boys even said that they would never talk to Lexi again. This bothered Lexi because she didn’t understand what was going on. Lexi is a very strong-willed young girl with a strong support system at home to help her through tough situations; but this situation was different than anything she had previously gone through. Lexi didn’t understand why there was a sudden change since she had not done anything mean or out of character to damage the relationships she had with those around her. Over time, Lexi realized what was happening. A female classmate of Lexi, Andrea, was jealous of the popularity Lexi had in and out of school and the amount of friends Lexi had. Andrea went around and “dated” the different boys who were messaging Lexi, and had those boys give Andrea their SnapChat passwords. Andrea then would use their passwords and SnapChat accounts to send Lexi hurtful messages. Lexi, not knowing what was going on, did not realize that the boys were actually not the ones sending those messages, but rather it was Andrea. As time passed, Lexi began to realize what was going on. Lexi had never encountered rude or hurtful messages before, especially from people she was friends with at school. Lexi’s parents also became aware of what was going on and discussed the situation with Lexi. Thankfully, Lexi is ok today and is working through this situation. Other parents within the school community also became aware of what was happening and all the parents communicated and are currently working on solving this cyberbullying issue.
Yet another sad story….
Sam is going into eighth grade. He is a healthy, vibrant young boy who enjoys going camping, fishing, biking, boating and various sports. About a year ago, Sam encountered pornography from a friend who had an iPhone without restrictions. Sam fell into a porn addiction. Before long, Sam and his friend were viewing porn regularly. Soon, Sam found a girl, Brittany, whom he was interested in. Much of the communication between Sam and Brittany happened over SnapChat. Sam, who was fueled by what he saw in pornography, soon turned the conversation with Brittany into a sexual nature. Before long, Sam offered to send an illicit picture to Brittany. Brittany quickly screenshotted the picture and sent it to her friends. One of Brittany’s friends quickly sent it over a group message involving approximately 300 people. In a matter of a couple hours, Sam’s picture was circulating among several hundred people. Sam received many messages regarding this picture, as his name was attached to the picture. This situation is ongoing today.
These are just a couple examples of the types of cyber bullying which are going on amongst our children, teenagers, and young adults today. By now, many parents are aware that cyber bullying is happening, and that their children are not exempt from cyber bullying. Children today are bombarded with distractions created by the overuse or misuse of technology. Cyber bullying is quickly taking over as the most common way children are bullied. The following are some statistics from various sources.
Nearly half of children between the age of 13 and 17 have experienced cyber bullying. Physical appearance is the most common nature of cyberbullying.
Link- (Enough Is Enough: Cyberbullying)
Teachers report that cyberbullying is the number one safety concern in their classroom.
One in five students report skipping school or faking sick due to cyberbullying.
Children who experience cyber bullying are twice as likely to harm themselves or fall into an unhealthy addiction.
Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat are the top three places where children experience cyber bullying.
Technology has ushered in a whole new realm of bullying. Before the influence of social media and technology, a bully had to face their victim face to face. Today, bullying is happening remotely, without the bully facing their victim. With social media being the primary way our young people are communicating, cyber bullying will continue to be the preferred method for bullying. Many states have enacted laws and have developed resources to help parents deal with cyber bullying. Here are some tips which may help to recognize and stop cyber bullying or help communicate with those that are being bullied online.
Talk about it – When talking to a victim, listen closely. Give the victim all the time that they need to tell their story. Do not interrupt their story. Long, awkward pauses between parts of the story are ok, just don’t interrupt. When talking to a bully, never portray blame. Give the bully time to explain their side of the story. After the discussion, begin to formulate a plan on how to stop the bullying and help the victim. Most likely this will take many conversations spread out over a period of time.
Build a safe school/home environment – Be able to discuss any topic with your children. Let them know that there is nothing off limits. Encourage private conversation if the subject is too difficult for younger siblings to hear. As a parent, if you sense there is something bothering your child, have a private conversation with them. Let them know how much you love them and you can sense a change in their behavior and are interested in listening to them and discussing the situation with them.
Help from Brothers and Sisters
Siblings can also be very helpful in these situations if they notice a brother or sister experiencing harm or harming others. Looking the other way and acting as though nothing is happening does not solve the problem which can only get much worse as time goes on. Talk to your parents and seek the counsel of a pastor, elder, or wise adult how to proceed to help the person directly involved.
Create a community wide bullying prevention strategy – Have a policy in place at home and school to create a united effort to stop bullying of any form, whether in person or online.
Link – What Is Cyberbullying | StopBullying.gov
Technology is overwhelming. With the development of different apps and social media platforms, it’s difficult for parents to keep up. Many parents can feel overwhelmed and unable to keep up with what is all happening in their children’s lives. If you are a parent and feel this way, contact someone around you who can help you. Cyberbullying, while fairly new with the development of many different social media platforms, is not unnoticed. There are many resources available regarding cyberbullying and how to detect and stop it.
The following are a few tips for parents to use.
Notice/intervene – If you notice your child has changed; ask. Always tell them how much you love them and are worried that something has happened to cause the change. Do not ask in anger. Turning your child away from you is catastrophic for your relationship with them.
Monitor – Look at your child’s phone from time to time. Remember, children’s brains are not fully able to grasp the concept of actions/consequences until they are in their late teens. Children want guidance and correction even if it doesn’t seem like it. Again, the emphasis here is to monitor their phones with love. Tell them you are doing this to keep them safe and healthy, both physically and emotionally.
Talk to them about cyber bullying – Discuss with them the reason you are taking time to talk to them about this subject. Let them know how it can happen and the emotional influence it can have on them.
Spend time with them early in their lives – We live in a busy world where time is short. Play ball with your children. Ride bikes with them. Don’t come home from work and get on your phone right away, but go outside and do something physical without screens. Have a family centered breakfast/dinner/supper without screens. Let the conversation go wherever it leads and never say a subject is off limits. If your children are willing to discuss a certain subject, it’s because they are concerned about it or are curious what your reaction will be.
Pray– Your children want to hear you pray with them and for them. This will convey a sense of love to them and also give them better coping skills. It will also develop their ability to turn to God in a difficult situation.
Read the Bible – The Bible has many examples of temptations and bullying. Read the stories with them and discuss them. Point your children to the root cause of all evil as well as the Remedy. Give them a proper understanding of sin and forgiveness and let them know God never sleeps and is everywhere and knows everything; even the smallest and most insignificant detail of our lives. Let your children know that in many cases of temptation; prayer and repentance was used to get out of it.
Biblical Guidelines for those entering adulthood:
- We must have a heart change. Jesus Christ enumerated the sins that flow out of the heart in Matthew 15 vs. 19, “For out of the hear proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, and blasphemies.” The work of God is to take away the heart just described under the dominion of sin. This evil heart is replaced in regeneration with a new principle that honor God’s law and loves God and what is truly good. We cannot go through life nor meet God without a new heart which God is still working in sinners even today. Seek Him for this, He is the God of wonders.
- Choose your friends very carefully. Seek to be friends with those who do not go with the crowd to do evil. Every person seeks to have approval from their close friends so therefore it is critical that your friends reverence God, His word, their parents, and His commandments. If your friends do drugs, use profanity, misuse technology, etc it is just a matter of time that you will go deeper and deeper into this destructive path.(see Proverbs 1 vs. 10) If you have bad friends, forsake them immediately and seek for real, true friends. Expect tribulation as you seek to do right and forsake evil!
- Begin each day with scripture and devotion. Pray throughout the day to be kept from sin. The enemy is much nearer than you think, namely, a heart that with sin that easily falls (Hebrews 12 vs. 1) No human being is safe from the entanglement of this world. Even Jesus’ very disciples were taught to pray, “lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. (Matt 8 vs. 13)
- Avoid any place or any circumstance that has caused you to fall before. The first step down a wrong path is typically followed by precipice from which one cannot escape. David, having experienced many falls into sin, cried out to God, “Keep back thy servant from presumptuous sins” (Psalm 19 vs. 13) and “turn Thou my eyes from vanity” (Psalm 119 vs. 37).
- The sins lurking today are so much more dangerous because they are so available due to modern media. You must have an “accountability partner” if you have modern media. This could be your parent, a consistory member, or a good friend who can hold you accountable in terms of what media sites you are using. This person should be one who is seeking your true welfare. We may not despair of God’s mercy even though we are great sinners. Remember the Baptism form under which we were baptized, “If we sometimes through weakness fall into sin, we must not therefore despair of God’s mercy, nor continue in sin, since baptism is a seal and undoubted testimony that we have an eternal covenant of grace with God.”